are you trying to feel or does it come naturally?
tell me about your anxiety.
is it angst?
is it hungry or does it sit?
are you taking something for it...your essential sense of self?
propositions:
living is a degenerative condition.
harvesting is conditional to sowing.
falling is an ubiquitous condition.
understanding is not conditional to learning.
being is at issue.
agency is conditional.
limits: positionality in space, time, and local economic forces.
aggravating factors: health, accidents, "unforeseen events," suicide.
he typed what i had told him into the computer.
he told me there was something wrong with me.
i took something,
you know, that he prescribed.
i think it helped.
i practice meditation now.
oh do you?
i think it helps.
i also nap.
thats funny, i can't sleep.
not at all?
i keep thinking of what i could have done differently.
whats that?
many things. many things.
too late now.
one hour writing, eight hours worrying about not writing, right dfw?
he pumped out fifty pages of insight and instruction in that hour.
i got a line of dust.
that is the difference.
and i don't really worry about not writing.
if i worried about not writing i would be a writer.
i worry about passing the time.
what does that make me?
the con.
passing the time. that hook!
that alabaster sarcophagus!
how to pass the time.
is that all it is?
that should be easy.
it is passing now.
and then.
what have i done?
its all wasted.
its all gone.
its all past.
do the photographs help?
prove it happened?
we don't even print them anymore.
do the emails help, the phone calls, the letters?
does working help?
does expressing yourself help?
some things you don't move past.
some things move.
there is so much i could have done
/
what have i done
i am repeating myself.
aw
fuckitandtakeawalk
constantly looking backwards
has gotten me
this far
here
i'm trying to breathe
and
turn
(trying)
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